Adventures with Arranged Marriage: The setup

This is the first post of a series of posts i'm planning to write about my adventures with the Indian Arranged Marriage scene.This might bring down my eligibility on the marriage front, but as Kurt Cobain's would put it : Well, Whatever, Never-mind.


If i rewind 20 years or so, in an Indian setup, marriage is not optional, is a once in a lifetime affair, might not have anything to do with love, has nothing to do with the individuals, has everything to do with families, background, financial compatibility (dowry included) and social status. 


Getting a little specific, a man would be judged on his salary, own house, vehicle, number of unmarried sisters, and maybe just MAYBE education too. 


A woman on the other hand would be appraised on age, color of her skin (the gori'er the better), number of brothers, dowry size, acne free skin, facial hair, regularity of her periods, reputation in the Biradari. Most Indian mothers of their very Indian sons suffer from the "tall, slim, fair, beautiful and homely" syndrome(barf). Needless to say, this is completely independent of the eligibility of their sons. Oh and one more thing, the girl should not be "MODRAN" (modern in english).


I can safely say from personal experience that this has changed.*
*only in metros, only amongst the educated working class. 


Thank you god, for my parents belong to the educated working class in the metro. That changes only a few of these parameters though. Marriage is still not optional, it might be late though. It is still a once in a lifetime affair but they will not get a cardiac arrest if it doesn't work out. It could have everything to do with love and individuals. 


However, if they don't approve of the match, they have all the right to emotionally blackmail you, squeeze your big fat indian wedding to Size Zero, make an exhaustive list of everything wrong with your boyfriend/girlfriend so they can discuss it with your massi, bua, chacha and chachi (all combinations of indian relatives) when they talk about how "iski akal pe to parda padh gaya hai" ( literally : a curtain has shut your mind out).


I'm an educated working woman born and brought up in a metro. My parents are supportive enough to not blow their head off thinking about their late twenties, aggressive than average, supposedly modern, unmarried daughter. But they have been trying to set me up for a few years now. Not-so-seriously to begin with, seriously in a couple of years, aggressively after that, and finally a few flares here and there like a dying flame. 


And here i am their shameless daughter blogging away about my "adventures with arranged marriage".