Health or wealth

Our life (mnc type people) i believe, is increasingly becoming a struggle between the health and the wealth. Take me for instance, i commute 80km in a day, which is about 2.5 hours on the road in a cab. I sit in front of a screen all day long.... My physical activity is negligible to be honest.  Add to this the stress of deliverables, office politics, household worries (which thankfully are minimal at the minute) and you'll have a full blown unhealthy environment for the body to struggle in.

With all the reading i have done over the past couple of year on what to eat, what not to eat, how to eat etc, i concluded that i should have been dead by now. And now im starting to get worried about this abuse. But when i go either way - health or wealth, the only thing it reminds me of is - everything comes at a price.

I know for sure i would not be happy leaving my job for something less lucrative but closer home.It would be intellectually and personally unsatisfactory. Also, im very sure i would not want to die tomorrow or start looking like a jaded, stuck-in-the-wheels of life person. Clearly, my mother does not understand my predicament. For her, its a stupid question to begin with. She does not miss the opportunity of dishing out a few lines from sanskrit scriptures in support of health topping it all. But, i guess it becomes a more obvious choice when your biggest conern in life is arthritis. Nevertheless, i decided to learn from her experience in life.

I have decided to find a way to keep my job and reduce my abuse until something nice, closer home comes along. So i have started with fixing my routine a little - sleeping on time... Say max by 11. Its true, you czn sleep arly shen you wake up early. I wake up at 6 ... And im not a morning person at all... AT ALL. So expcting my body to start excercising in the morning would be like trying to get 
mice to build the pyramids. But its important that i understand this fact. Well.... I wake up and while 
the maid works... I try to come to my senses. I leave for work at 7, eat my beakfast at work. Have 
lunch.. Blah blah.... Leave for home at 5... Reach home at 6.30. By which time im ready to eat an
elephant. THIS is my sticky spot - ideally i would want to have my dinner at this point - i'll have to work something out with the maid. M and i go for a 30min walk too.


That's the physical part - but what about the mental stress. Now i have learned quite a few things from M and one of which is - nothing is important enough to take away your peace. There are times 
when nothing seems to be going your way. You suddenly acquire the opposite of the Midas touch and everything you touch turns into cowdung. So just accept it, dont try to touch too many things, lie low - knowing that this too shall pass. Like M says, "rough it out" for a bit. Because frankly baby,  sometimes you don't really have a choice.


As for office politics - you could be as much or as little involved. Being professional really helps and 
being indispensable helps even more. Longer associations help.... A general level of common sense 
and avoiding silly behaviour .... Being politically correct helps too. Also, being honest helps... I dont 
mean divulging what is not required, but being honest when asked helps in the long run. But that's 
just me. It's how i want to conduct myself and im okay with not being the CEO, as long as i can live 
with myself happily.

Here's a list of things i consciously think about to counter stress at work :

1. I cannot be cheap to get ahead, because what i think of myself is more important than what my 
boss thinks of me.
2. Be grateful. Start counting the good things in my life - family, friends, moments, travels, experiences
3. Start counting what the boss and peers are missing out on. Even if i have to throw in a little bit of imaginary stuff - like bad sex life.
4. Health is most important and i cannot let petty work things ruin it.
5. Someday i'll do something of my own, however small. Be the boss.
6. I can do so many things other than my current work - teach, work with an NGO, learn new things, 
read, study further. The world is bigger than the workplace.

2.  

And remember ..... Everyone is allowed to be frustrated, angry, irrational and moody sometimes.... :)

From the Beautiful Mind

My favorite few lines from the Beautiful Mind... always remind me of M :)

Nash: Thank you. I've always believed in numbers and the equations and logics that lead to reason. 

But after a lifetime of such pursuits, I ask, "What truly is logic? Who decides reason?" My quest has taken me through the physical, the metaphysical, the delusional -- and back. And I have made the most important discovery of my career, the most important discovery of my life: It is only in the mysterious equations of love that any logic or reasons can be found. I'm only here tonight because of you [his wife, Alicia]. You are the reason I am. You are all my reasons. Thank you.

The recurring itch

Every 2 years i find myself in a whirlwind of  strong emotions - mostly negative - about my career. Each of these bouts lasts typically a couple of months, wherein i twist and turn ,flap my wings, huff and puff and exhaust my Googleness in search of an outlet. But in all these years i haven't yet been able to define this outlet. It's always "something different", "something more creative", "something interesting" but never has a name.

The more i talk to people around me i realize that its not just me. Its atleast a hundred other people waiting for "something interesting" to come along. I'm not sure if its an IT syndrome or if it affects all kinds of professions. Although i'd be quite surprised if someone in media or advertising or art mentioned this. I mean these things are supposed to be "interesting". Or that's what people in these fields say to rationalize their choice  - because its certainly not the money - atleast not untill you are very successful and distinguished.

 Well IT gives you money, travel and you could actually faff your way up the ladder if everyone above you isn't anything to write home about. But then what is it that is creating a void for me? Alot of things some to my mind ...

For one - its the fact that i'm not flying up the ladder as i expected to ... im just about crawling up - one inch at a time. Also while you are hanging in there by your little finger... there will be people stepping on your head, crapping from the top, and there would be times when the ladder is against the wrong wall.

Second - the saddest part about working in an organization is that there are a million external factor affecting your growth. You see something promising which rings a bell in your head - you slog your butt of all year long and finally when its time to reap the benefits - you find out there are none. It could be anything - your boss left, your boss had a fight with his boss so everyone underneath is getting screwed, your boss fancies other people, a rockstar employee screwed up the dreaded "bell curve" pushing you over to the average hike segment, your business ran into loss and has decided to close down - i could go on forever. Most importantly, no one would want to be appraised by someone they think is a moron. Btw, who invented the bell curve? Its amazing how year after year, manager after manager, HR after HR, and org after org its always the Bell Curve.

Third - faffing doesn't really bring any satisfaction to me. I like tangible transactions. Things i can see, feel. Medieval stuff like - i sell A for X amount of money - where A is a tangible object.

That's alot of ranting for a day. But i'm hoping one of these days this itch would get so strong that you are forced to break free the chains of inertia and scratch ..... oh scratch ... till you moan with satisfaction :D

Case of the missing diamond

I believe i have already painted a crystal clear picture of how much i love my wedding ring and how ardently i worked to make it my wedding ring. With that context, i'll proceed to describe the case of the missing diamond (i'm crazy about the BBC Sherlock Holmes adaptation these days).
 Just like any other day, after dinner and my fill of enriching TV show Wipeout, i was stretching in bed, making myself cosy. As i settled in the most comfortable sleeping posture, i raised my left hand to place it comfortably on the pillow. M had been trying to unsettle me for a while now, though unsuccessfully. And then he said, "A diamond's missing".

My reaction - "phhh, yeah rite ! sure a diamond's missing.". It's only been 2 months and he says a diamond's missing. But then it was too big a bluff to not check. AND THERE IT WAS ! My beautiful beautiful wedding ring looking at me like a child smiling broadly - only missing the front tooth. My heart sank to the depths of the Pacific and i popped out of bed, started looking frantically for the missing although little diamond.

M had given up hope and was only trying to calm me down. But how could i not look !! I checked on the mat and the pillow and the table. It couldn't have gone missing very long back (considering how many times i look at it, i would've noticed it). And then - there it was - a tinsy winsy glitter on my bedsheet - but enough to bring back the smile to my face. I collected the missing tooth and carefully wrapped it in a soft tissue along with the denture and packed it in a small ring box.

A day later i was at the jewellery store - all guns blazing. I was prepared to go on n on about their making charges, the quality, and what good is the reputation of the store if this was the kind of stuff they sold and how the diamond went missing publicly and caused me so much humiliation. But as i reached the store, i dint think it was necessary - i showed them the ring - they apologized - promised to get it fixed ASAP.

I just received a call from the store - "Ma'am you can come and collect your ring"

So we are back to - Ring Ring ringaaa ring ring ringaaa :)

Ring Ring Ringa

So yes - I got married.
After all those posts about my adventures with arranged marriage - at least i dint have to go through one. Maybe many years from now i would someday write about our strange loave story. It wasn't so strange in terms of the guy not being "ready" to marry until he was 32. But it was strange that he gave his best shot into convincing me into :
 - considering another guy
 - considering moving out of the country
 - believing that he was not in the least interested

But like i said - that's for later.

So we had about 2 months to prepare for the wedding. Thankfully, the venues got booked very smoothly.
The two things which took the maximum amount of my time were the wedding dress and the wedding ring - Time well spent.

As we started looking for the wedding rings, my dear fiance declared how he would not prefer to spend too much on the rings. This was obviously supported with various logical/ethical arguments , as is his style. Me being me and more so me being me in love managed to get swayed and in a fit of stupidity went onto to agree with him. Not only did i agree with him, i also followed it up with a speech as to how if he doesn't spend on it, how could he expect me to do that. And then i started looking for a ring.... the task complicated by my idiotic declaration.

I looked and i looked all over Noida, lajpat, south ex - but with no success. Finally i decided to take a trip to the Gold mall. And THERE IT WAS - the most beautiful ring in the world (to my eyes).But it was obviously 1.5 times the amount i had agreed to stick to. I found myself falling irrevocably in love with this ring with the weight of my "declaration of stupidity" as i later called it, weighing on me. In my heart i had decided the second i saw it that it was to be my wedding ring. I wasn't being entirely unreasonable, it wasn't ridiculously expensive, it was just 1.5 times. THAT's when i started to rationalize it in my head - until i believe in it, how would i convince M to pay for it :D

Though generally a reasonable ring - there was no real argument to buying it other than me being in love with it. But then, i'll have to look at it everyday for the next few year atleast ( until he buys me new one), so i better be in love with it. So much in love with it that it makes me think fondly of him even after a marital discord. THAT it was :D Thankfully, it dint take much to convince him. I guess he just saw it on my face when my eyes screamed puppy love as i talked about the ring.

I hope he thinks its money well spent as he often catches me looking at the ring still and smiling in appreciation. *GRIN*

Sacked or Sold

I write this sitting at my desk in a Global Investment Bank Equities IT floor waiting for a conf call in an hour where the Global business head is to address the employees about their fate in the organization.Sacked or Sold is the question. In my 3 plus years with the organization, never has a meeting/conference call been so impatiently awaited.

Yet all people can do at the minute is crack jokes about alternative career plans. It makes me wonder - is it a typically software engineer trait? Are we so accustomed to losing a job? Or are we so confident of finding a new one?

The bank has been in trouble for a while now, but this year specifically did not go very well for my business unit. And UK government (our savior) is now calling the shots coming as fatal blows to the employees. The newspapers have been abuzz with news of lay-offs, shut downs from "insiders" for the past one month. The announcement initially scheduled for feb had to be preponed considering the drop in productivity due to the uncertainty among the people.

I for one have already started thinking of alternative career options - as a travel show host, travel club employee, blogger, globe trotter, yoga instructor (i know nothing of it other than self studied blogs). While i'm day dreaming about all these things, there are two things that struck me :

One - im not even considering IT
Two - everything i'm considering has to allow me to travel

 Travel and meeting/working with people across the globe seems to be my only favorite thing about  IT. About time i think about this seriously.